Relationship decisions

1. I am married and exhausted. Sex or sleep?

“Both,” said Paul Glovinsky, PhD, co-author of “The Insomnia Answer.” “It is not just a matter of sex but of timing. Often, women are stimulated by sex and can not sleep after that. “Which, as you know, he means that as a mighty oak crashes while you are awake and seethe.

“If you time things to coincide with the time of day when you are in peak energy, your sex life will be significantly more satisfied.” (Note in the morning sex? Weekend naptime?)

And the word of the time, Linda Young, Ph.D., a Washington-based therapist who specializes in helping women, promoting healthy relationships, adds that: “The meeting is on average only about 20 minutes, so demand yourself why you hesitant. Your resistance might be a reflection of your lack of satisfaction with sex. “Whether your fear of intimacy, your anxiety, your anger about something else in the relationship – the point is that sexual misery can be a shield for many other types of problems. Oprah.com: Need a reason to have sex tonight?

2. My clock is ticking. Quiet for the boy that I find important, or keep for the One who may never show up?

Do. Not. Easy. “Both of you – and not to forget the children you may have – may pay the price of a broken relationship later,” says psychotherapist Ken Page, founder of the dating workshop “Deeper Dating.”

Almost marry Mr. One is on the other hand, perfectly admissible. “If someone in your match 75 to 85 percent of the things that are important to you – values, strong character, how he treats other people, emotional fitness – that is not settling,” said Young. “But it’s up to you to pull ‘good enough’ with energy and passion, so fantastic. And chemistry counts, you need to be attracted to each other.”

3. I’ve met a great guy. He has never had a call. Should I call him?

“It is 2008. You can call,” says Steve Santagati, author of “The Manual” and resident expert at AskSteveSantagati.com. Still, Santagati urges you not to put the man on the spot. “Let him start plans. You can just say” hello “to open the lines of communication, and he could hear something in the phone call that he was not the first time you meet.” The way he reacts will tell you whether you have a future together. Oprah.com: Inside the male spirit

4. He is married, but he says that he is not happy and it is the end. I would stay away, huh?

Run as if you have a burning house to escape. That, in fact, you are.

“He is already showing that he has not put enough distance between himself and his problematic relationship,” said Young. “If you get involved, he’s going to subject you to all its aspects, and you will have a great dump.”

5. When, if ever, it is a good idea to try again with a boy whose heart you’ve already broken?

About as often as pigs fly. “Normally you can not go backward,” says Manhattan-based matchmaker Janis Spindle. “It’s a case-by-case scenario, but the statistics show that it does not usually work.”

The case where it could work: if it was not unrelated to your attraction or personalities, but caused by external circumstances – say, one of you was again a family drama, or you were transferred to another city. In the absence of such mitigating circumstances, to analyze what went wrong the first time, have a similar dynamic will arise again, and then determine whether it is feasible dynamic in your current life.

6. I love my partner, but the sex is underwhelming. Stay the course or go?

Neither. Instead you’re going to do the hardest thing you’ve ever done. “Think about the things you in the deepest ways, the things that make you feel the most loved and cared for,” says Page. “What kind of touch? Which words? What kind of pacing you feel the most affection for your partner? Tell each other, no matter how wild or tame your desires met. When the two of you are unafraid to be naughty and vulnerable together , The experience can be amazing. “Sex thrives on risk and surrender, and you’re probably missing one or both.

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